The day after a student retreat is always uncomfortable for me. I want to rest and take the day off. However, my mind is almost always stuck, relentlessly going over the conference moment by moment. It is hard to rest. It is hard to disconnect from all that has happened. This is especially true today. This weekend conference was very different from others that I have experienced. Our chapter sharing time was like none other. I have never experienced a group of students so radically motivated to serve God in such sacrificial ways. Students shared about Bible studies they were going to start, non-Christians they were going to share the gospel with and even career decisions. Several students expressed commitments to go into full time ministry. (I think I am actually going to have to talk some students out of full time ministry...as strange as that sounds!) In fact, I just got a text from yet another student who is going to move back into the dorms in order to be a better witness.
The ministry here at SIUC is thriving in a way that I have never experienced and really never thought it would. It is amazing and humbling and exhilarating all wrapped up into one! God is clearly at work doing something big. It is far bigger than me. There is a work of God going on here that I have done nothing to create. Still, it is an especially dangerous time for me. I am a bit nervous to be very honest. The success of the ministry will lead people to think certain ways about me. People may be led to think that what is happening here has a lot to do with me. Outside observers may very well be tempted to think that what is happening here has to do with my gifts, my service, my experience and wisdom. The even bigger danger is that I will be tempted to start thinking this about myself. Pride is everywhere....crouching all around this success.
Personally, I think that success in ministry is similar to (but not the same as) success in life. There is much good that can come from it. Success can help guide others to a better way of doing things. Success can produce really good results in terms of wealth and products that will serve mankind. Success in ministry obviously brings about great spiritual fruit. However, success in ministry has a dark side just like success in life. There are lies that come along with success. If we are not careful they will take hold of us. The lies go something like this... "Wow, I really must know what I am doing...just look at the results!", "Hey, you should do things like me because I know how to do ministry better.", "God has given me such amazing gifts, I can't help but produce great results." ....and so on. The dark side of success is that place where we forget where success is really born and become convinced that we are the direct cause of that success. I have seen too many people in ministry get caught there. It is an ugly and unfortunate sight.
I can see these lies already beginning to take shape in my own heart. I am crazy excited about all that God is doing here at SIUC. But I am also very fearful of how this success will affect me personally. Pride is always a temptation for me. I don't want to forget that anything God does here is because of His power and choice not because of me. I am merely a steward. God has invited me to be a part of what He is doing. It is a great opportunity and blessing to be here. He is in no way dependant on me to work here. The truth of the matter is that God is working in spite of me. His glory is shown brightly through my weakness.
My prayer today is that I would not succumb to those whispering voices that want to turn me away from God and that I will never forget the truth about success!
